stabilemechanik

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!!

ok, i'm in school right now. i have an 'event' later at 1000 hours and i'm kinda early (as always). i feel like i need to add some things to the entry last night, so here goes.

after the really fun post from last night, suddenly, i'm down in the dumps again.. i don't know why. i have a very exciting bonding moment later with my block and i really am excited. after all, i sorta organized it. but it's the holidays and the inevitable boredom i'm about to enjoy again is really scaring the hell out of me. but that's not the main problem.

ok, let's see the facts. 26 students started off in my Management Engineering block (yep, that's the retarded name of my course). after a slow start, we've managed to bond really well in a span of more than half a year. it was really hard to bond really quickly especially because my blockmates were all straight off highschool and they all had friends from these schools. as for me, i was like a dinosaur in a planet of advanced humanoids or aliens or whatever. i was practically alone because unlike them, i was starting off fresh from outer space. I didnt come fresh from highschool like them. i was 20 years old in a dorky kid's body. nevertheless, i managed to make friends with a few of them and i could say that i enjoy their company a lot. well, after two semesters, out of the 26 blockmates that i have, 10 are leaving the course. one goes to Canada, another is planning to go to Singapore (that's not me, just in case you were wondering) eight more are leaving because the course requirements are just a little too bitchy. that for me is kinda bullshit.

but i'm used to it.

remember that day i watched Dawn of the Dead? and i said something about getting left behind? i lied so sue me. well, that's what i am feeling yet again. it's the time of year when you gotta sing along with n'sync's bye bye bye. i'm excited for this summer. believe me. what i'm not excited about is the after-summer. from a block of 26 down to 16. that's just great. i mean, can't things be constant for a change? wow, the paradox in that statement. but, screw this. that's what i want. i should be too damn sick of this right about now, but i've started to get used to friends "leaving" and having to start all over again. i know i know, true friends never leave, but i'm just scared right now that getting used to THIS shit is a bad sign. it's like, i wonder if there will ever come a time when i'm really too used to friends fading away that i will never even bother to make a point to make new ones. ok. that's hardly possible, right? 

already gone, huh? i won't let go. never. 

now that is an epic-ly long title if i've ever seen one.

the title bears no semblance to what i'm feeling right now. it's just that i remember loving the bridge of this song Bang the Doldrums. I just love it. I really do. I mean, i love it. <3

Wow. How long has it been? Again. Thanks to TND's comment, I have decided to blog about something.

Today is the first day of my first "summer vacation" as a college student. that's great. oh, did i mention i'm twenty? to those who don't know (ahem, malaysians and singaporeans and what-have-you races), Filipinos are so cool and smart and intelligent and advanced and magnificent that they, or rather we, enter college at 16/17. aint that great? unlike some old blokes from some countries (read: everyone else) who enter at 19/20. old fags. isn't that something? now to those who still do not understand, i left for singapore when i was in third year of secondary education. and now, four years later, i come back and all my batchmates from highschool are graduating. isn't that hilarious? haha. well, for me it is. if you can still see the underlying bitterness that i'm trying to suppress, just pretend you never noticed.

My first year has ended. let me hear you say, hurrah. i dont know about you, but that year really whooshed by really quickly. well, at first, i've gotta admit, it was really slow. june, july, august? they were all "blah" months. pretty boring to say the least. but towards the end, i really enjoyed that year. referring to 2009 here. best months were March (ahem, that oh-so-awesome night/week at 102-C, Marine Parade Road) and December. my birthday was the most memorable it has ever been thanks to my new found friends who partayed with me till the wake of dawn, and my friends-forever friends who made me a video that made me cry blood. ok, i'll put the link here for everyone to see and for everyone to know how proud i am of this video. you guys are so great. i hope you make me another one this year. haha.

that year sucked balls though, academically. i wish i had had more motivation or drive to really give my best in my studies. i dont know, i just feel like everything i'm doing now is kinda pointless. although i do realize how important and how big a deal this college thingy is,  just cant get my cylinders going. curses!

i'm bored. and sleepy. i'll blah again another night. i really just felt like writing something.

don't worry about a thing.

whoa. two months. that's a really long time. cobwebs. dust. mites. rust. ofcourse, i had to make that rhyme.

most of you (whoever's reading this) must be wondering what i've been preoccupied with. :) that's a state secret.

see here. i was wondering what to blog about. and since you can get answers about pretty much anything from google or yahoo!, well, i yahoo!-ed it.

100 Blog Topics I Hope YOU Write

yes. thank you. i am bored. and i just felt like writing.

"83. Letting Go"

that is so tempting. but i'd rather not. haha. i would just end up rambling and venting out all the bitterness left in me.

"50. Friends I Cant Wait to Meet"

ahhh.. now we're getting somewhere.


it's been almost a year, since that glorious final week. that week that seemed to had buzzed by too fast for me to enjoy it, savour it, taste it. that last drop of booze from that last 'I never' we had. that last moment of inebriation from that very same soil where i first got wasted. the last time i swallowed that last chicken rice meal. that last oily oyster omelette. that last fleeting moment i used chopsticks because i was in a country where i had to use chopsticks and not because i'm showing-off at a chinese restaurant. disclaimer: i am not emo-ing.

here's the issue. i cant seem to find that common ground with the people i am interacting with now. not that i havent found any new friends yet - that would be sad considering i have been here for more than a year. i have made friends and they're great. it's just that i wish we had more things in common. let's face it. i'm old. too old for my so-called 'batchmates'. but immaturity will perhaps always be a trait i wont be able to shake off. :D so, i guess we have something in common there because i have the innate ability to be childish. 

yet it always dawns in me that it was so much easier to make LASTING friendships back when everyone was pretty much different from everybody else. as scholars, everyone was experiencing 'home-sickness' (yeah right). everyone was free to do what they wished (in cjc hostel? bullshit). everyone studied the same things. everyone played the same games. :) we had too many moments together under that blue roof that we found ourselves a new home. a new family.

yes. i miss my Singapore friends. and somehow, i don't see myself making such strong bonds anytime in the near future. it took 4 years for me to nurture such friendships. and i still miss them sorely. if only airfare was affordable. if only planes dont emit as much carbon emissions. if only the waters could be bridged. if only we didnt have to part. 

just before christmas, i had the chance to talk to a Sri Lankan priest (no, he doesn't look nor talk nor move like Nalaka) about certain things i was unhappy about with my life. and i mentioned this problem in particular: that i feel really down every time i remember all the good memories i've had in the last four years. and how bad i want to visit (or stay) but can't. his answer was simple. "take it as a challenge". 4 years will pass by swiftly, he said. work thy butt off, perk-up and do well. after 4 years i can live in Singapore if I want to. or maybe visit more often once i get a job. 'if your friendship is as strong as you say it is, then 4 years will never be too long'

lol. that sounds so gay. and pretty much common sense. i guess i'm too emo to think rationally. happy times.

sigh. my post sucks yet again. i feel that i do better with sad/whining posts than happy posts. damnit.


COMMENT OKAY!?!?!?!

i consider myself fortunate to have two homes. places where i am truly sure that i belong. home(2) is where "all the good-looking guys are gay". right aravind? i quoted this from a song. :| don't judge me or set the SSS (singapore secret police) on me. besides, i'm not staying there anymore. :|



saturday, october 31...


i was unaware that a storm was coming in. (YES, i know. again!) retarded me. i was too distracted over some, ahem, matters that it totally slipped my mind to listen to the weather report.

Signal No. 3, apparently.. THREE LEH! out of four that is. four being GG, ARMAGEDDON 2012, DAY AFTER TOMORROW kind of shit. :)) kidding. cataclysmic? yes. apocalyptic? maybe not so.

before i slept, it was drizzling. DRIZZLE. the pitter patter kind of rain. so yeah. nobody told me to fortify the roof or something. jeezuz. people can be so complacent.

so at 3am in the morning, i wake up to the sound of what i thought was a tornado. (note: you don't get those BIG tornadoes in the philippines, tiny ones yeah.) heck, i was scared shit-less man. i couldnt sleep until it was all over at 530am. wth. you can really hear the wind lashing the roof. WHOOOSSHHHHHFFFFFF (yes, a whoosh with an F. how horrifying) it was as if, it was knocking. "LET ME IN!!!". i even imagined the wind knocking over our wall! from outside, i can hear beer bottles from last night's merry-making, hitting the concrete with faint crashes. debris kept bombarding our roof. THUMP THUMP. cats dying (oops, i just imagined that. haha) and trees getting uprooted.

i woke up the following morning, the whole street was out and about so early. fixing rooftops. cleaning up the road. collecting scraps of metal strewn all over the street, probably to sell to a recycling plant or resell them to those whose roofs are gone. 

if these tropical storms don't bring in lotsa water, they sure pack a lot of wind. i mean, F that. can't these things visit other countries for a change? like singapore or something? haha. okay.. we'll think of another country to sabo. but after that typhoon that's named after me that made a bloody messy Waterworld of Manila, there's been a typhoon that followed EVERY WEEK!

Ondoy

Pepeng

Q---- i forget

Ralph? haha. kidding

Santi (the oct 31 one)

and finally Toffeenut.. (the next storm) up and running this week, baby.

if you've never experienced the WOWphilippines' 20 storms per year phenomenon, you might wanna come and take a look yerselves. :)



ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES



(can't wait for Toffeenut Frappe :| )

i long for sunrise at 0645 and sunset at 1930.

i'm starting to miss everything again. Hot100. Waking everybody up. Going back to sleep. The smell of a hundred people's shit on weekend mornings. Going back to sleep. Waking everybody up for lunch. Laksa ala Nearly-headless bird. Watching Atonement and all the most depressing movies ever conceived by man. Not to mention Jay Chou or indonesian movies you can't even comprehend. I miss late night Toa Payoh shopping sprees. I miss the Pasar Malam. I miss lying on the soccer field at night and scratching my back afterwards from all the insect-bites. I miss basketball. fighting over games. fighting over risk. fighting over dinner. fighting over dota. fighting over other. i miss going to randy's and getting drunk. puking all of hell right afterwards. i miss it when weird things come out of kenji's mouth. i miss it when alston shakes his leg. when ngee derk shakes HIS leg. if i dont mention you, and you're reading this, i oso miss you. but you probably dont shake leg. i miss going to church. or NOT. when alston and anas fight over mass. when fifi fights ME over mass. when i play basketball alone because nobody else plays on the weekend. when i go out alone to eat murtabak at Sultan Road (or whatever road that was) and suck the living daylights out of my Milo Ais. i miss running in the morning to Andrew Road. i miss drinking coffee at night and feeling all shitty afterwards (not like 'i wanna shit' shitty, but rather "f*ck this life!" kind of shitty). i miss the weekend. not just the crappy stay-at-home weekend. i want the REAL FRIGGIN DEAL.

i woke up Saturday morning to hear water lashing the earth. our roof, already weakened by years of rain, sun and wind, took a beating.

Typhoon Ondoy was forecast to arrive in Manila on Saturday. i was not sure why no one took heed. everything felt casual. the people, complacent. as if Typhoons were something we Filipinos are immune to. to tell you the truth, my concerns on Friday night was anything but the oncoming storm. i was thinking of visiting the malls, or playing DotA the following day. just a regular weekend, i thought.

Saturday
i was totally oblivious to the horrors that were happening outside the comforts of my home. i mean, jesus, people were dying!

the power was cut. No TV. No Lights.

the internet was not working. damn. i can't play dota, i thought.

the cel tower was down. can't even sms anyone from the outside world.

oh, it was hell. do you remember the last time you left your mobile phone at home? you had no communication with the anyone whatsoever.. doesn't anxiety grip you and you feel almost paranoid? well, that's what i felt. but worse. i couldn't even go outside. the rain will kill me.  

around 9pm, on my bed, i listened to the radio (as i always have done). it was when i first came to the realization that what we felt in my city, was nothing compared to what everyone else was dealing with elsewhere. i listened:

"(frantic speech) i'm calling from (somewhere in) Marikina City. i have 6 families here with me (neighbors included), and we're taking shelter on the third floor. we've got no food, no clean water. please come and rescue us. the water is still rising. it's flooded the second floor already."

imagine. no lights. no electricity. no phone lines. your mobile's battery is dying. all the food is downstairs inside the (washed-out) fridge. 6 families are squeezed inside the 3rd floor. all the neighbours are inside your house. their houses, nowhere to be seen. yours is the only one left standing above water. no rescuers in sight. rain as strong as ever. flood waters still rising. what do you do? 

930pm
the lights came back on. i jumped out of bed and turned on the computer. finally, internet. i was hoping to find my friends waiting for me online, hoping they're all safe. as if nothing was happening outside. but alas, no one. only myself. my facebook account was flooded too. not by water, but by images and videos of the concurrent disaster. cars running on water, if you'd never known better you'd think they were water vessels. entire families on rooftops. traffic was on a standstill. the rivers overflowed in a matter of minutes. it seemed more an apocalyptic movie than reality. how i wished. how everyone wished.

Sunday morning.
I was worried sick of my classmates who lived near or in the flooded areas. one of them already was stranded for 19 hours on the roof of their 2-storey house. She's safe now. but she's perturbed by everything she has first-handedly witnessed. she watched helplessly as her neighbours(adult and child alike) slowly breathed their last. (it was probably the rain. the fear. the cold. the hunger that took their lives) let alone all the property she and her family lost. her house "reduced to nothing", as she narrated to me.

it alarms me how life, this world, is nothing but temporary. we always talk about how we take everything for granted. but do we take measures to ensure that we don't? take a look at the person(s) closest to you your hearts. hold on to them. don't wait for another storm, or earthquake or a random hi-way accident to make you realize how easy it is to lose the ones you love. disasters, famine and death do not only live in the four corners of your flat screen TV. this is our reality. 

if my words are not enough, watch this instead

that thing that that family (maybe) was on used to be the roof of a house. the people on the bridge watched helplessly as they went underneath the bridge. when the roof emerged on the other side, only one or two of the group was left. the boatman metaphor hits me like a fist.

" Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun "


i want to wake up one morning.. and feel genuine happiness.


don't worry, asshat! DOTA time!!!

saw this shirt in the mall a few days ago. it said,

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. and Kids are from Uranus. :| " 

something to ponder upon before you sleep.

jeez man!

7 weeks. updated 7 weeks ago. these were the words that made me write this post. and ofcourse "mu_bug: update lah!"

___________________________________________________

bloody hell. college has been really hectic and stressful the past 2 weeks. that really sucks balls, considering that even the slightest pressure makes me buckle. eventually (i think) i will die. so it's important to keep myself occupied and 'active'. 

i'm not even going to post this on my other site, because i'm lazy. and i find that this site is more 'private', despite the wider fan base.

apparently, i am less emo now. i'm sensing a lot of  "dude! finally!" 's here. and yes. finally. that took longer than i thought. moving on after an abrupt and drastic change of setting, especially if you come home alone to pick up the pieces, ain't easy. lucky we've all got school work to keep us all preoccupied.  but hotdamn! the moments of inactivity seriously just crushes you to the ground. 

SOOOO! the point is, there's this girl in school. no names obviously. but i see her pretty often. she's that type of girl that i have fallen for countless (wait, i counted three already) times in the past, and consequently, (you guessed it!) ended up in tears. just as the great codename:NgeeMan told me a few days ago..

TAKE CARE

hell yeah! i know fully well of the dangers of hurrying things.. halfcooked is badass: that's what arvind adiga taught me. bloody indians are brilliant i tell you. better stick to yer indian friends now, trust me. i also happen to take math as a core subject. and a rule that you seriously have ta follow, both in Math and Love is this:

Be careful of the bloody signs!

wow. that was a pointless post. but do inspire me to post again BY POSTING STUFF YERSELVES!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbRbQc4YIok

gotta love em all

Top 10 Trivia Tips About Andrew (courtesy of Rheyza Medel's stupid Facebook Notes)

1. Czar Paul I banished Andrew to Siberia for marching out of step.
    - lame! and who the hell is Paul? Bro Paul ar?

2. The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Andrew.
    - no shit? haha. basterd. i'm already in the Philippines and still the height quip!

3. In his entire life, Andrew will produce only a twelfth of a teaspoon of honey!
    - that's a relief.. :3

4. There are now more than 4000 satellites orbiting Andrew.
    - see, somehow i knew that i was meant for GREAT things. and the phrasing suggests the satellites will keep coming! HOWEVER, this clearly violates the laws of physics. Mr Wee Wee Chau won't be happy with this. tsk tsk tsk.

5. Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on Andrew.
    - oh yeah! really big ones i might add. :D

6. Lightning strikes Andrew over seven times every hour.
    - really now. i must have been asleep MY WHOLE LIFE to not have noticed!

7. Dolphins sleep at night just below the surface of Andrew, and frequently rise to the surface for air!
    - Whoa! Cool! That would've drawn the chicks!

8. During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear Andrew had to pay a special Andrew tax!
    - What can i say? It pays to be special. wahaha. damned russians.

9. The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained Andrew!
    - I was actually the secret ingredient. They just found Andrew Tax too exorbitant. It almost made THE Coca Cola Company bankrupt.

10. More people are killed by Andrew each year than die in aeroplane accidents!
    - Now why didn't i realize that? WATCH OUT HATERS!

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia

whoa whoa whoa. last post was more than a month ago. this wont do. this wont do.

i'm inclined to tell you what 'new' things happened to my life thus far. (yeah sure, 'thus far' my foot). i'm sorry to say there is nothing 'new'. and now you can send your condolences and flowers to the address that will be provided at the end of the post.

let's begin with where i left off. as a summary:

ok. school has started.
i've made friends. that's great progress.
i've been doing 'ok' in terms of academics. that's cool too.
i'm TRYING to be active in both academia and CCA's. that's very noble(?)
i'm losing weight. shit. i'm dying.
i'm starting to hate this routine. fark!

off to biznez.

school. math. math. math. that's the only thing you need to know about my course. god damned math!!! curse the day our forefathers invented (or discovered/ gave birth?) the numbers! i do wish they had only invented zero. what a concept. zero. sigh. i also came to a realization just after 3 weeks of school. my brain (at least i think so, which therefore means my brain thinks so, and therefore is a fact, at least for my brain as the subject)  is not made for math. then what is it made for then? i wish i could answer that. maybe something less rigid and something more theoretical and requires a certain measure of "no-math-ness". i'm lazy. that's true. bum. 

there is a void in my heart. MJ is dead. what a shocker. a piece of him will forever live in each of our hearts.

it's raining hard. like, HARD. imagine, you. you and your umbrella. you try to hold on to it for dear life (and for dear dryness). but what's the point? it's raining uber hard, half your body is wet. it washes away all thirst for knowledge. that's what i hate about this monsoon season. rain. it brings rain. lots of it. and it coincides with the start of classes. i mean, HELLO! rain does not pair well with school. well, but you can't reschedule summer. no no no. summer is for the beach. so let's leave things be. (oh btw, fyi, the Philippines is the country most frequented by typhoons with as much as 20+(?) typhoons every year. BEAT THAT!

speaking of HARD, i had my first Arnis test today. Arnis  is a Filipino Martial Art which employs sticks to, well, whack felons, evil-doers and any random punk off the street who happens to piss you off. i actually had to perform some patterns in front of the "Master" and he will deduct points everytime i made a mistake. well, in sheer determination to please the "Master", i was furiously beating my stick in the air. no. not THAT stick. until finally, when my swing fell a little bit short, i accidentally landed a blow on my man jewels. agony, you say? pain? hell? it was a good thing my jewels have reflexes and knows some pretty good kung fu themselves. evasive manouvre. key to success. i thank the gods for saving the future generations yet again. my score?

24.5 / 25   all because i whacked my balls. damn.

i'm sleepy and i'm doing chromatography tomorrow. damn, i miss mister leong.