stabilemechanik

i consider myself fortunate to have two homes. places where i am truly sure that i belong. home(2) is where "all the good-looking guys are gay". right aravind? i quoted this from a song. :| don't judge me or set the SSS (singapore secret police) on me. besides, i'm not staying there anymore. :|



saturday, october 31...


i was unaware that a storm was coming in. (YES, i know. again!) retarded me. i was too distracted over some, ahem, matters that it totally slipped my mind to listen to the weather report.

Signal No. 3, apparently.. THREE LEH! out of four that is. four being GG, ARMAGEDDON 2012, DAY AFTER TOMORROW kind of shit. :)) kidding. cataclysmic? yes. apocalyptic? maybe not so.

before i slept, it was drizzling. DRIZZLE. the pitter patter kind of rain. so yeah. nobody told me to fortify the roof or something. jeezuz. people can be so complacent.

so at 3am in the morning, i wake up to the sound of what i thought was a tornado. (note: you don't get those BIG tornadoes in the philippines, tiny ones yeah.) heck, i was scared shit-less man. i couldnt sleep until it was all over at 530am. wth. you can really hear the wind lashing the roof. WHOOOSSHHHHHFFFFFF (yes, a whoosh with an F. how horrifying) it was as if, it was knocking. "LET ME IN!!!". i even imagined the wind knocking over our wall! from outside, i can hear beer bottles from last night's merry-making, hitting the concrete with faint crashes. debris kept bombarding our roof. THUMP THUMP. cats dying (oops, i just imagined that. haha) and trees getting uprooted.

i woke up the following morning, the whole street was out and about so early. fixing rooftops. cleaning up the road. collecting scraps of metal strewn all over the street, probably to sell to a recycling plant or resell them to those whose roofs are gone. 

if these tropical storms don't bring in lotsa water, they sure pack a lot of wind. i mean, F that. can't these things visit other countries for a change? like singapore or something? haha. okay.. we'll think of another country to sabo. but after that typhoon that's named after me that made a bloody messy Waterworld of Manila, there's been a typhoon that followed EVERY WEEK!

Ondoy

Pepeng

Q---- i forget

Ralph? haha. kidding

Santi (the oct 31 one)

and finally Toffeenut.. (the next storm) up and running this week, baby.

if you've never experienced the WOWphilippines' 20 storms per year phenomenon, you might wanna come and take a look yerselves. :)



ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES



(can't wait for Toffeenut Frappe :| )

i long for sunrise at 0645 and sunset at 1930.

i'm starting to miss everything again. Hot100. Waking everybody up. Going back to sleep. The smell of a hundred people's shit on weekend mornings. Going back to sleep. Waking everybody up for lunch. Laksa ala Nearly-headless bird. Watching Atonement and all the most depressing movies ever conceived by man. Not to mention Jay Chou or indonesian movies you can't even comprehend. I miss late night Toa Payoh shopping sprees. I miss the Pasar Malam. I miss lying on the soccer field at night and scratching my back afterwards from all the insect-bites. I miss basketball. fighting over games. fighting over risk. fighting over dinner. fighting over dota. fighting over other. i miss going to randy's and getting drunk. puking all of hell right afterwards. i miss it when weird things come out of kenji's mouth. i miss it when alston shakes his leg. when ngee derk shakes HIS leg. if i dont mention you, and you're reading this, i oso miss you. but you probably dont shake leg. i miss going to church. or NOT. when alston and anas fight over mass. when fifi fights ME over mass. when i play basketball alone because nobody else plays on the weekend. when i go out alone to eat murtabak at Sultan Road (or whatever road that was) and suck the living daylights out of my Milo Ais. i miss running in the morning to Andrew Road. i miss drinking coffee at night and feeling all shitty afterwards (not like 'i wanna shit' shitty, but rather "f*ck this life!" kind of shitty). i miss the weekend. not just the crappy stay-at-home weekend. i want the REAL FRIGGIN DEAL.

i woke up Saturday morning to hear water lashing the earth. our roof, already weakened by years of rain, sun and wind, took a beating.

Typhoon Ondoy was forecast to arrive in Manila on Saturday. i was not sure why no one took heed. everything felt casual. the people, complacent. as if Typhoons were something we Filipinos are immune to. to tell you the truth, my concerns on Friday night was anything but the oncoming storm. i was thinking of visiting the malls, or playing DotA the following day. just a regular weekend, i thought.

Saturday
i was totally oblivious to the horrors that were happening outside the comforts of my home. i mean, jesus, people were dying!

the power was cut. No TV. No Lights.

the internet was not working. damn. i can't play dota, i thought.

the cel tower was down. can't even sms anyone from the outside world.

oh, it was hell. do you remember the last time you left your mobile phone at home? you had no communication with the anyone whatsoever.. doesn't anxiety grip you and you feel almost paranoid? well, that's what i felt. but worse. i couldn't even go outside. the rain will kill me.  

around 9pm, on my bed, i listened to the radio (as i always have done). it was when i first came to the realization that what we felt in my city, was nothing compared to what everyone else was dealing with elsewhere. i listened:

"(frantic speech) i'm calling from (somewhere in) Marikina City. i have 6 families here with me (neighbors included), and we're taking shelter on the third floor. we've got no food, no clean water. please come and rescue us. the water is still rising. it's flooded the second floor already."

imagine. no lights. no electricity. no phone lines. your mobile's battery is dying. all the food is downstairs inside the (washed-out) fridge. 6 families are squeezed inside the 3rd floor. all the neighbours are inside your house. their houses, nowhere to be seen. yours is the only one left standing above water. no rescuers in sight. rain as strong as ever. flood waters still rising. what do you do? 

930pm
the lights came back on. i jumped out of bed and turned on the computer. finally, internet. i was hoping to find my friends waiting for me online, hoping they're all safe. as if nothing was happening outside. but alas, no one. only myself. my facebook account was flooded too. not by water, but by images and videos of the concurrent disaster. cars running on water, if you'd never known better you'd think they were water vessels. entire families on rooftops. traffic was on a standstill. the rivers overflowed in a matter of minutes. it seemed more an apocalyptic movie than reality. how i wished. how everyone wished.

Sunday morning.
I was worried sick of my classmates who lived near or in the flooded areas. one of them already was stranded for 19 hours on the roof of their 2-storey house. She's safe now. but she's perturbed by everything she has first-handedly witnessed. she watched helplessly as her neighbours(adult and child alike) slowly breathed their last. (it was probably the rain. the fear. the cold. the hunger that took their lives) let alone all the property she and her family lost. her house "reduced to nothing", as she narrated to me.

it alarms me how life, this world, is nothing but temporary. we always talk about how we take everything for granted. but do we take measures to ensure that we don't? take a look at the person(s) closest to you your hearts. hold on to them. don't wait for another storm, or earthquake or a random hi-way accident to make you realize how easy it is to lose the ones you love. disasters, famine and death do not only live in the four corners of your flat screen TV. this is our reality. 

if my words are not enough, watch this instead

that thing that that family (maybe) was on used to be the roof of a house. the people on the bridge watched helplessly as they went underneath the bridge. when the roof emerged on the other side, only one or two of the group was left. the boatman metaphor hits me like a fist.

" Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun "


i want to wake up one morning.. and feel genuine happiness.


don't worry, asshat! DOTA time!!!

saw this shirt in the mall a few days ago. it said,

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. and Kids are from Uranus. :| " 

something to ponder upon before you sleep.

jeez man!

7 weeks. updated 7 weeks ago. these were the words that made me write this post. and ofcourse "mu_bug: update lah!"

___________________________________________________

bloody hell. college has been really hectic and stressful the past 2 weeks. that really sucks balls, considering that even the slightest pressure makes me buckle. eventually (i think) i will die. so it's important to keep myself occupied and 'active'. 

i'm not even going to post this on my other site, because i'm lazy. and i find that this site is more 'private', despite the wider fan base.

apparently, i am less emo now. i'm sensing a lot of  "dude! finally!" 's here. and yes. finally. that took longer than i thought. moving on after an abrupt and drastic change of setting, especially if you come home alone to pick up the pieces, ain't easy. lucky we've all got school work to keep us all preoccupied.  but hotdamn! the moments of inactivity seriously just crushes you to the ground. 

SOOOO! the point is, there's this girl in school. no names obviously. but i see her pretty often. she's that type of girl that i have fallen for countless (wait, i counted three already) times in the past, and consequently, (you guessed it!) ended up in tears. just as the great codename:NgeeMan told me a few days ago..

TAKE CARE

hell yeah! i know fully well of the dangers of hurrying things.. halfcooked is badass: that's what arvind adiga taught me. bloody indians are brilliant i tell you. better stick to yer indian friends now, trust me. i also happen to take math as a core subject. and a rule that you seriously have ta follow, both in Math and Love is this:

Be careful of the bloody signs!

wow. that was a pointless post. but do inspire me to post again BY POSTING STUFF YERSELVES!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbRbQc4YIok

gotta love em all

Top 10 Trivia Tips About Andrew (courtesy of Rheyza Medel's stupid Facebook Notes)

1. Czar Paul I banished Andrew to Siberia for marching out of step.
    - lame! and who the hell is Paul? Bro Paul ar?

2. The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Andrew.
    - no shit? haha. basterd. i'm already in the Philippines and still the height quip!

3. In his entire life, Andrew will produce only a twelfth of a teaspoon of honey!
    - that's a relief.. :3

4. There are now more than 4000 satellites orbiting Andrew.
    - see, somehow i knew that i was meant for GREAT things. and the phrasing suggests the satellites will keep coming! HOWEVER, this clearly violates the laws of physics. Mr Wee Wee Chau won't be happy with this. tsk tsk tsk.

5. Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on Andrew.
    - oh yeah! really big ones i might add. :D

6. Lightning strikes Andrew over seven times every hour.
    - really now. i must have been asleep MY WHOLE LIFE to not have noticed!

7. Dolphins sleep at night just below the surface of Andrew, and frequently rise to the surface for air!
    - Whoa! Cool! That would've drawn the chicks!

8. During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear Andrew had to pay a special Andrew tax!
    - What can i say? It pays to be special. wahaha. damned russians.

9. The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained Andrew!
    - I was actually the secret ingredient. They just found Andrew Tax too exorbitant. It almost made THE Coca Cola Company bankrupt.

10. More people are killed by Andrew each year than die in aeroplane accidents!
    - Now why didn't i realize that? WATCH OUT HATERS!

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia

whoa whoa whoa. last post was more than a month ago. this wont do. this wont do.

i'm inclined to tell you what 'new' things happened to my life thus far. (yeah sure, 'thus far' my foot). i'm sorry to say there is nothing 'new'. and now you can send your condolences and flowers to the address that will be provided at the end of the post.

let's begin with where i left off. as a summary:

ok. school has started.
i've made friends. that's great progress.
i've been doing 'ok' in terms of academics. that's cool too.
i'm TRYING to be active in both academia and CCA's. that's very noble(?)
i'm losing weight. shit. i'm dying.
i'm starting to hate this routine. fark!

off to biznez.

school. math. math. math. that's the only thing you need to know about my course. god damned math!!! curse the day our forefathers invented (or discovered/ gave birth?) the numbers! i do wish they had only invented zero. what a concept. zero. sigh. i also came to a realization just after 3 weeks of school. my brain (at least i think so, which therefore means my brain thinks so, and therefore is a fact, at least for my brain as the subject)  is not made for math. then what is it made for then? i wish i could answer that. maybe something less rigid and something more theoretical and requires a certain measure of "no-math-ness". i'm lazy. that's true. bum. 

there is a void in my heart. MJ is dead. what a shocker. a piece of him will forever live in each of our hearts.

it's raining hard. like, HARD. imagine, you. you and your umbrella. you try to hold on to it for dear life (and for dear dryness). but what's the point? it's raining uber hard, half your body is wet. it washes away all thirst for knowledge. that's what i hate about this monsoon season. rain. it brings rain. lots of it. and it coincides with the start of classes. i mean, HELLO! rain does not pair well with school. well, but you can't reschedule summer. no no no. summer is for the beach. so let's leave things be. (oh btw, fyi, the Philippines is the country most frequented by typhoons with as much as 20+(?) typhoons every year. BEAT THAT!

speaking of HARD, i had my first Arnis test today. Arnis  is a Filipino Martial Art which employs sticks to, well, whack felons, evil-doers and any random punk off the street who happens to piss you off. i actually had to perform some patterns in front of the "Master" and he will deduct points everytime i made a mistake. well, in sheer determination to please the "Master", i was furiously beating my stick in the air. no. not THAT stick. until finally, when my swing fell a little bit short, i accidentally landed a blow on my man jewels. agony, you say? pain? hell? it was a good thing my jewels have reflexes and knows some pretty good kung fu themselves. evasive manouvre. key to success. i thank the gods for saving the future generations yet again. my score?

24.5 / 25   all because i whacked my balls. damn.

i'm sleepy and i'm doing chromatography tomorrow. damn, i miss mister leong.

alright. I'm sitting here, all by my lonesome. and I'm starting to think to myself, 'now what?'

that question bothers me a lot as of late. "what happens next?" now that i have chosen a path (better yet, a path has been chosen for me), what do I do next? befuddlement is an understatement. gahd! I'm not so much enthused at entering college as watering the plants. sigh. well, actually, to be quite honest i enjoy watering the plants (it's mainly because it takes the least amount of time among all other chores). dammit. befogged. confused. depressed. halp! guidance is what i need!

maybe it's the hot weather. getting to my head. filling it with much needed (NOT) cynicism. not to mention my sweaty..... never mind.

HEY! i've been reading a new book. and lo, i have violated my 'loyalty' rule.

loyalty rule states that while reading a book, one must not leave that story for another. he must finish the book/story before embarking on another.
forgive me, it was really boring.

WHITE TIGER! shit, it's the darkest story i've ever read. it feels like a horror movie. no blood (yet) or anything. just pure dark comedy. seeing indians in a totally different light. (hi kannan!) oh, and i wasn't making any racist references with 'dark' or 'light'. i know what you boys are thinking. damn you! i am not racist  -- not all the time. but seriously, the story is damn dark.

:3 i shall be ranting randomly like a possessed doofus. be warned, it may not make much sense. but who asked for your opinion anyway?

hold up, i was kiddin. read on.

Voice over: If at any point while reading the 'random rantings' section you so wish to whack the author in the head for wasting your time, feel free to just stop reading. also, post a comment and scold him. that ought to teach him a lesson.

=== :3 Random Rantings  ===

a kite. a truly magnificent thing. wings fluttering with the wind. arms wide open, seemingly free. 

a damned kite. stifled. he so longed for freedom. longed to see beyond the clouds. this string which suppresses him, keeping him from being truly free.cursed string! free me from thy wretched bond.

he envied the birds. free. they're f*cken free. free to see beyond the clouds. free to see the sun beyond that silver canopy. if only the string would let him fly above the clouds. if only the kiteman would let him. loosen the string to that heavenly 'freedom'.

at last! it was given. the string lengthened, letting loose the kite. like an infant child, opening his eyes to get his first glance of the world. like a toddler taking his first steps. what a liberating experience. too good to be true. a dream it has to be. nothing but a dream.

it happened all too soon. the dream had come to its end. as dusk approached and twilight swallowed everything, the kiteman pulled the string, dragging the kite back home. as he took his last glance of heaven, the kite, teary eyed, cursed his fate. he doesn't know when he will get a taste of freedom again. he is forever tied, forever shackled.     

i'm so damned bored, i can almost do whatever you suggest i do.. almost..

due to a certain image i am trying to portray in the not so distant future, i will try to keep my trap shut and not spit any further 'bad words'. damn. starting now.....

i don't know about you, but i wish summer would be over. it's boring. well, actually it's boring cos we didn't go to the beach this year (which would otherwise had made it 'somewhat-interesting'). one big helluva sigh. sure, i watch anime (just like what a kid would do). i do my chores (a sign that i need money/favours from ye old folks). i exercise (umm, that one's a lie). and i'm reading a book (i have been reading the same one for the past 4 months)

shoot. i still feel unsatisfied. but what can I do that doesn't involve too much money, eh? heck! i watch a lot of movies. i even watched a ben stiller movie (i refuse to name which one). BUT WHY!!! GOD FUDGES (hi yza! i got this one from you..)

aww crab! if you are NOT bored and are reading this now.. holler back and tell me what to do. nb: i hope it does not involve killing anything or getting under the hot philippine sun. :3

in the meantime, watch this. my stomach hurt so badly. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7oGx2dImE8

i was rummaging through my junior college files in search of my A Level Math paper so i could study calculus for a stupid exam in school.

well, i found it.  and along with it came my other papers. i was actually checking out general paper when i saw question 2..

what should our approach be in answering such a question? well, it's seriously open-ended. answers can obviously vary from the straight-forward meaning of dreams to a more biological (albeit more disturbing) answer. let's not delve deeper into that.

although this won't obviously be my answer if i had done this question for that English paper.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my dreams as of late has given my bones a real shakin. i've been waking up quite depressed and irritable. 'maybe you're just emo', he said. maybe. maybe not. but i'm not as 'emo' now as i was a few months back. i was messed up back then. so why the dreams? why now? i'm thinking of a john mayer song right now. stay out of this john.

cheeesy. one word that describes the plot. a fcking irritating love story. forbidden love, that kinda shit. although it was too surreal. and there was nothing cheesy about it when it's real. yeouch. i'd hate to think that that would be the story of my life. hope not. shivers.  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is there such a thing as a world record for the longest distance walked while sleeping? i'd like to vie for that title.

kiddin' :D

goddamit! *coughs* this fucken place has gotten really dusty since the last time i've been here. *wheezes*

here's a welcome back post for 'ya. finally.

it's been a little short of a month since my last post. and things seem to be really jumbled up. chronological accuracy ain't the main characteristic of this post right here. but here goes.

----------@ flowers for you

i've been 'working' for a month now (since april 1). and yeah, those were quotation marks. why? cos i hardly felt getting worked up. don't tell my boss tho. they don't know that. anyways, my contract is beginning to return to the fiery depths in hell from whence it came. bloody arsehole. i can see it waving goodbye. i'll wave my bloody finger at it. freedom!!! i've got my pay and i hardly broke a sweat. grin

yet i feel that it was a little short-lived. maybe i loved my flower-y job. i actually enjoyed it. apart from the fact that it was the most 'slack' job i've ever been into (wait a minute), i actually made friends there. i know rite? good job, andrew... wow! fruition baby! love that word. i had a goal in mind - informal and unofficial it may be - but the flowers actually bore fruits in the end. pun intended. if you don't know what i'm talkin about, freshen up on your bio will ya.

XMEN. DEADPOOL! love it. i couldn't actually appreciate the movie even after the ending credits started rolling. Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool? couldn't agree more. the rest? errrr, i don't knooooow. don't get me wrong, love xmen and marvel and stan lee. but i didn't enjoy it that much. maybe i should re-watch. i didn't even see stan lee. he cameos in almost every single one of 'em marvel movies. this time tho', hmmm.

speakin of mutant powers, don't you just wish you had a random power every single time something (or better yet, someone) ticks you off? i was off to work last week and it was raining ----- pissed-off-meter is at 50 degreesC ----- i had to walk through mud fucken poo (65C) . when i got on the bus, it was full. except ofcourse the end seats. love it. (70C)

-- 5 seats behind. 4 people sitting. i was drenched and irate. 1 dude (read: ass-wipe) had his butt across two. i was staring at him to let him know i was gonna sit. dude looks at me with the wtf face. i walked closer. i hit my head on the damned roof (haha, that doesn't happen often now, does it?). dude giggled. 'bitch!' no choice. the bus was moving. i sat my puny behind in on what little space i could find. i had to wriggle my ass just so he would move and let me sit properly. had to play bitch that time. the dude was REALLY big. the song 'super trooper' by abba plays on the radio. --

at times like these i really wish i had powers. really thought of my great pal wolverine after that incident. wanted to grow claws and rip the dude apart. 

:D

crap

next up, TRANSFORMERS

Thank you for calling The Flower Club. How may I help you, today?

boom!

from straight-mate to full-gay in just a couple of words.

indeed, i have done myself a great favour by taking up this job. never in my life had i imagined myself doing anything related to flowers. well, actually i did, at one point. but let's not visit those awkward memories. i'll try to get the number just in case you wanted to call. :3

so all the rubbish aside. the application for the job was fucking rubbish. can't think of any word to better emphasise the total garbage-ness of that stupid job application.

there was RED-TAPE written all over the frigging newspaper ad!!!! how could i not have foreseen this. sigh. anyway, the thing is, i felt like a pingpong ball. light. made of plastic. unwanted. and orange.

withing 2 days, i have visited 3 of the company's branches in 3 different cities. how sweet. and all of those visits were all uninteristingly familiar interviews. wtf. same interviews which asked about the same damn things. total waste of time. i wouldn't want to delve further into the details, but i tell you, irate will be an understatement once your done with all the bullshit.

pretty girls are not aplenty too to add to the torture. not that i'm deperately searching. just searching. :3 (what a lonely existence)

later i'm going to work at 3pm, which ends at 12mn. well, my eyes are kinda red right now. really havent slept properly in as much as 3 days. oh well. the experience SHOULD bear fruits and i'm definitely gonna reap those. i hope.

damn, my post sounds so flat and monotonous.

let's talk about faggots then so we can loosen up a bit. i have a co-worker whose real name is Rafael. as in the ninja turtle raph. the cool turtle. well, they asked us for our nicknames and include an adjective with the same initial as your nickname. for example, noob nicholas. or N-noying ngee derk. or attractive andrew. well, you get the drift. so this rafael had a nickname in mind. and i was really taken aback when he suddenly exclaimed Juicy Joan!! WTF!!!! holee shoesss! couldnt sleep. couldnt sleep. well, at least i have something to look forward to at work.. or not.

remember when i said  "but i can't say i'll mope and bawl and suffer a lifetime of no Singapore. i won't."?
damnit. the moping has begun. i feel as morose as eeyore.

ever lost something/someone that you get stunned (like darchrow's stun or dwarven sniper's stun) every once in a while. (cue the song "if we hold on together". For real, it's playing on the radio right now) you get stunned and you feel like you're underneath Angel falls or something. and i could imagine that would be painful. so much water and rocks and shit. i was watching American Idol last night and got stunned; remembered watching previous seasons inside the tv room. i was washing the dishes when i got stunned; remembered washing dishes at 102-C. i was drinking water when i got stunned; the water tasted like shit. i was playing DOTA yesterday, i got stunned. lol. first blood. it happens quite often to me most recently. maybe i'm just bored. i need something to preoccupy myself with.

ever left what you considered everything you knew?

we see this in movies and read it in tear-jerking novels. somehow, i didnt see it coming. i've done it more than once.  two and a half times maybe. once when i first came, and the other when i left for the last time. the half part can be found somewhere in between. yeouch. my childhood was almost a painful one.
Q1: What did the author mean by saying "almost a painful one"? haha. i'll miss General Paper.

maybe i'm just deeply emotional. fuck. i cant be, right? i'm too jolly to be emo. sometimes i feel like crying. but i end up singing a stupid song with made-up-lyrics from hell. i mean when was the last time i cried? the answer is: when i lose it to booze. yes, booze makes me lose it. and apparently it turns me into a blood-sucking-faggot who tries to rape sleeping pigs. a lot of people can attest to that now. thanks to a certain someone's video footage. PLEASE DO NOT PIRATE THIS MOVIE. IT HURTS THE FILM INDUSTRY BADLY. PIRACY IS BAD.

i'm sorry for not knowing better. it's spelled pang sai. i'm sorry my chinese is bad. i can't find a reason why. damn you malaysians! you guys should start blogging too. it's the window to your soul, writing. there is no reason to be shy. 

and, i was watching Dawn of the Dead last night. well not really watching. i just happened to watch the last scene. when the 'hunk-of-the-movie' sacrifices himself for the rest. to let the heroine-of-the-movie set sail on a yatch. and he's left behind with zombies and nothing else but a revolver. i kinda saw myself in that scene. lol. no sacrifices tho'. no gun either. just me and the zombies.

dreams see us through to forever

sigh. there is no I in US.

sadly.

it was yet another stressful week. f*ck

i'm tempted to talk American Idol right now. america's choosing well now. except they forgot to include anoop desai! thank God AI has a panel of judges with common sense. but i'm deciding against talking about american idol. instead i will talk about other more important things.

i guess this is the most idle i've ever been in a pathetic lifetime. second to none. i guess not even when i was an infant. or in the fucking womb. bad word alert. I do hope that i wont ever be as stagnant and directionless as i am now. frigging ever. note to self.

  tch?

i can't believe i'm saying this, too. i miss school. i really do. not CJ or SJI or MSHS. just school. i miss the classrooms. the teachers who seem to not mind when i sleep. the classmates who don't mind sleeping with me. the torture of having to keep yourself awake in boring Physics lectures. i miss that routine. not that i am the type of person who sticks to a routine (which i quite honestly don't). i just like the 'routine' of having to go to school every waking day of the week. the idea of dragging your cold frigid ass off the comforts of your bed just to get it to SCHOOL.

most students hate - and do note that hate is a strong word - school (that is, the work involved).  and i was definitely not an exemption. i was the student who looked forward to the weekend or the end of the school year. kids who felt that the end matters more than the process. maybe that's why my grades suffered. i had the wrong mindset. tsk tsk tsk. bad boy. when will you grow up?

and so, yet again, it's assessment time. I have just received my results. AM I HAPPY? nope. AM I SAD? hell nope. DO I FEEL THAT MY RESULTS ARE JUSTIFIED? probably.

for now, i'm trying to enjoy my last moments in Singapore with my closest friends. i'll miss the food. i'll miss the fucking weather. i'll miss jogging to Andrew Road. I'll miss the girls. the Singaporeans. the not- Singaporeans. i'll miss everything. but i can't say i'll mope and bawl and suffer a lifetime of no Singapore. i won't.

maybe i had to much fun. maybe it's time to be serious now you're talking I played too much. and by the looks of things NOW. i dont think i can do that in Singapore. good! blame Singapore for everything :)  i'm still playing too much. i probably shouldnt adhere to such a lifestyle. I just woke up by the way. remember my 8-hours-of-sleep-a-day rule? start counting.

and i havent even started about last saturday. hate being drunk. remind me not to do it again.it certainly helps that a few of my friends are actually concerned. thanks for making me drink more Aravind. you're a special mention for today's post. :)

all these nonsense aside. i think i need to pan sai. 

oh crap! make that a guttural oh crap! like spitting or getting rid of phlegm type of guttural. oh ckhrap!

it's yet another vale~ va~ i can't even get myself to say it. it's been what? 4 S.A.D. years? hmmmm. very sad indeed. aw heck, make that 19 years of SADness. 2005 doesn't count. it was still sad. believe you me.

how can they even put this in a calender right? i mean love is something you 'celebrate' everyday. what makes the 14th so special? in fact, TV tells me that Vale~ well, tomorrow was named after one or all of the three Saints with the same name. and they all are hardly related to THAT kind of love. i say it's something invented by flower vendors, restaurants, cheap motels and the damned city of Venice. 

what is it with teens and BGR's anyway? dammit!
i lived in a cramped dormitory for both girls and boys and i can't help but notice that THAT was prominently the focal point of hostel life. eh? no? nope. not talking about sex. but 'love'. sweet, sexy, flirty love. it's freaking everywhere. it's there eating breakfast with you. it's there after school, people coming back in god-damned pairs from the supermarket in toa payoh (buying paraphernalia of love). it's even there eating away your peaceful dinner. and guess what, after dinner is when things really get messy and wild. study time is more like 2-hours-of-love time. one thing is for sure tho'. love ain't IN the hostel on weekends.

the most exciting time for love in the hostel was definitely the JC years . ooo. the sweet beginnings of co-educational cohabitation. it's really amazing those two years of Junior College. woots. the greatest! 20+ JC students in the hostel. all flirting and canoodling around. well, most of them were at least. and nay, most of them are unaware of the influence of "hormones" on them. no wonder it was so freaking hard to live and coexist. the secondary school 'children' didn't really help much. those flirty kids! poor kannan. poor ngee derk. poor me. (lol) all alone against a cruel LOVE-loving world. we were all very SAD. indeed, we all experienced our fair shares of awkward moments in the hands of terror couples. couples with no consideration whatsoever for those who are unfortunately unfortunate. these lonely souls were reduced into mere lamp posts, third wheels, extras. God bless their souls.

and don't be an ass by thinking that i'm just bitter. it's ok to be bitter once in a while. :)

so what prompts all this bull teenage BGR and whatnot anyways?  
love? nah.  teenage angst? hardly. 'hormones'? pfft. in my opinion, it's a euphimism for horny. yeah, at the peek of adolescence we all start developing the greatest and most instinctive instinct of mankind. hohoho. kids are horny.

a friend dropped by and made a comment yesterday,

"I am anonymous
dude i was expectin more. u said like it was so promising. cmon where's da feelings and emotions and angst. isnt dat wat bloggin's about? haha"

what an asshole. pink is the only colour in the palette which you deserve.
here you go mr anonymous idiot. bitterness is certainly an emotion right? so that's emotion and feelings for you.

and angst? hmmm.

angst ¹ (ängkst)
you are a great friend i am anonymous . i'm not so sure about the anxiety or apprehension part. if there is any consolation, i am partly depressed. as always. thanks for the comment, alston yap chong yun. :) dont forget to call me when yoll start drinking later. :) 

:) <3
    
well to everyone. happy S.A.D in advance. as for me, i don't have the energy for tomorrow. blech. 

nothing beats cinnamon rolls and a cuppa in the wee moments of dawn.

oh yes, i wake up early now. It is due, in part, to my insatiable thirst for PS2 and DVD's. But mostly it's because of my resolution to watch my sleep time. (ie 8 hours on AVERAGE, everyday)   :)

anywho, i feel like posting again. this blah-gging thing helps me RELEASE (poot) all the excess energies that i'm actually storing inside me. and to rant about all the Miserable Moments that unfortunately is inherent to my great existence.

let's see, where shall i start. well, how about the only interesting stuff which occured in the not so distant past (that is, the past 2 weeks)

Event 1: Get together with Batch6 Pinoy1skolars - January 25

there are some things that i really like about our batch get-togethers in the Philippines. i love the part when we start to contact each other. oh the chaos. i love the part when Francis says: You're asking ME if i'm coming? As if he's the one with a clean attendance sheet. (lol. Ftan) I love the part when i wait for everyone else to arrive because i always feel compelled to come early, even though i'm well aware that my batchmates abide by the "Filipino Time System" (although this time they were pretty early, kudos to them). It was great to see them. It's really nice to realize that although we havent been hanging much, we can still be merry and gay. nice.

Event 2: ummm.. haircut? i knew i shouldnt have started a heading... knowing well enough that there aren't much 'events' to talk about.


i had a haircut at a haircut place the name of which i would rather keep confidential due to obvious reasons. So, I was having my usual once in (counting fingers) 3 months haircut at this place. the stylist was, well, a homosexual. a faggot. gay. (no offence, i wasnt sure which was the most appropriate or 'accepted' title/label/name to y'all) and, i have nothing against that. gays/faggots/homos are great stylists. :) but then, the dude (or dudette) starts talking rubbish. and since i HAD nothing against THEM, i was just talking back (note: NOT in a rude way) when zhe was about finished, he started making comments about how NICE his WORK was. that zhe did a good job. that i look great with the new cut. blah blah. then zhe goes "i feel like kissing you" 

JEEEEEEEZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUZ 

ooookaaaaaayyy... lady, i like the cut. but can you not start making me feel uncomfortable. :S

zhe goes: "have you ever been kissed by a faggot? want me to be the first?"     whut the!?
all i could say was, NO THANKS... lol . no thanks (thanks for what?!?!?!!?)
anyways, zhe goes: i was just kidding me. playing me. he was just bored. blah blah. he has three boyfriends. whut the hell.. puke..

haha. that was quite funny actually. not something that happens to me everyday. :)))))))) raaaaaaaahhh! i gotta go home and bathe. i feel defiled.

DAAAAMNN YOUUUU!

oh. watch hard gay stuff if you haven't. here's to get you started. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOF89pSZHPg

it's utterly funny and disturbing. :) enjoy <3

there ya go.. i just transfered my 'private blog' from livejournal to multiply.

how's that for 'getting busy'?!


it's another chilly Thursday morning here in the Philippines. a perfect day for hot chocolate, a warm bath, PS2 and some love making. :)

oh, guess what?! this entry also serves as my christmas-new year's post. nothing much happened to merit a much elaborated message.. not much of a surprise there. "i hate christmas!!!" - The Grinch

well, i'm home. i have been for a month and a week now. and i am soo proud of what i have accomplished over this long period of inactivity. here's an abridged version of my long list of holiday success"

1. baked brownies. faggot
2. gained about 10 pounds.
3. slept 8 hours a day on average
4. played basketball at least once

what a great holiday so far! i'm really looking forward to more great adventures and experiences! woot! 2009 ought to be more exciting. :) especially with Obama as president, a new season of American Idol and a looming financial crisis, i'm all set to go 2009! raaaah!      'come and get them' - Leonidas, 300

now if only i could decide which university to attend. as i sit here ruminating my options and waiting for lunch, i can't help but to feel uneasy. not just from the imminent diarrhoea i'm about to suffer from drinking mocha-flavoured coffee, but from the brick walls and disasters i'm about to face. oh yeah, i'm scared, big time. i'm not known to myself to deal with problems with an open-mind and poise (my mom thinks that grace is important when dealing with the pitfalls in life). firstly, i'll be one helluva senior citizen when i start studying as a freshman if i study here in the 'pines. My parents also feel that studying in Singapore (scholar or not) would be really financially 'burdening'. Eitherway, i'm still pissing my pants. One thing that the Singapore Experience taught me well is that life is hard. It's very paking hard. I'm not so much scared of failing to land a good job, get good grades, dating lotsa women. I'm more scared-er of letting down other people (especially the parents). I am trying my best to stop being such a slob and get a move-on with life and I feel that I've grown more mature over the years. Okay fine, maybe i grew just a teeny bit. But, I sure HOPE that i won't end up just a wishful thinker (just as we have discussed in GP class). Nopfe.. nuh-uh. Not gonna end up in that trishaw (or sidecar, as we Filipinos 'fondly' call it)

enough emo-ing for today. life goes on. can't really keep this up that long anyway. :D

here's something to cheer ya up.. :D

Question: What is DOTA?

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/523609/dota/ 

Disclaimer: The purpose of this clip is not to poke fun at other people's manner of speech or culture. This video is solely for the purpose of the dissemination of information on computer gaming. :)

we have to give credit to that man. he's such a good marketer. he's gonna do well.
horry smoke! look at the time!!

gotta go jollibee! :)

ciao bitchas!

i've been in Singapore for exactly 4 years now.. and just like the day my SIA flight taxied down Changi's first class tarmac, it was rainy, gloomy and boring..

i don't know if you can tell.. i'm freaking sentimental ryt now..

after 4 years in this 'profession', i can't help but wonder, "Was it worth coming to Singapore?"..

Academically, i'm not exactly high-flying uber scholar that MOE expected me to be.. in fact, i'm far from it.. i won't even be reluctant to say that i've more or less wasted my 4 years of study.. not exactly the brightest guy, definitely not the most hardworking.. i sometimes envy other scholars for always getting good grades, even with little effort.. i can't really tell why i never had the drive to study.. some draw strength from their family (i don't), some are just born to study (i'm not) and others, well, driven by their dreams (i don--- actually, i used to have 'aspirations') me? i sleep throughout the day, play all afternoon long, don't pay attention during class, and i hardly did work.. and now, i'm blogging.. and probaby for the last time.. 

i don't want to sit on my empty cardboard box in my 'bukit timah flat' looking back at how lazy and naive i was all these years.. i won't sit down here while everyone else gets to reap something while i reap nothing.. hopefully, when i'm thirty, i won't have to drive (and live in) a trishaw, just like we used to joke about in highschool..  

no more regrets.. no more 'if only's'.. i'll make this last few weeks count.. i'll be a mugger.. a paradigm shift, if you will.. 

and when you feel like crap and you feel like it can't get any better or you're simply stressed.. just draw comfort from the fact that some people are struggling to stay alive (err, yeah) --->    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji88FmxemAs

you gotta watch this..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWqSjBYqZio&feature=bz301

sergio rodriguez
brandon roy
greg oden
and R-R-R-RUUUUUUDDDDDYYYY

shite.. Portland found themselves a new fan..

gotta grab a ball and practice..